Pie Hard with a Vengeance: The People's Tournament

I love pie. Real pie, fancy pie, homemade pie – all of it. But today I want to talk about the pies that most pie snobs ignore: snack pies. That’s why Pi Man is Pi Man. He’s the people’s Pi Man.

Those little individually wrapped pies you see at gas stations and corner stores. The ones sitting next to the candy bars and chips. Most people grab them without thinking twice, eat them, and move on with their day.

But I think they deserve better than that.

The Forgotten Pies

Not all pies are created equal – that's been my belief for a long time. But sometimes you can't choose where you find something good. Sometimes the best discoveries happen in the most ordinary places.

That's why I'm doing this tournament: Pie Hard with a Vengeance. It's an apple pie face-off between what I'm calling "snack pies" – those small, handheld pies made for busy people who still want something sweet.

They have crust. They have filling. They're meant to be eaten on the go. And honestly? They're probably all made by the same company in the same building by the same hardworking people.

I don't care about that last part. What I care about is giving these pies a fair shot.

The Lineup

We've got the heavy hitters: Hostess, Tastykake, Drake's, Little Debbie, Entenmann's, Walmart's Great Value, and Table Talk. Each one has been feeding Americans for decades. Each one has earned its spot on those convenience store shelves.

These aren't artisanal. They're not made with organic flour or hand-picked fruit. But they're consistent, they're affordable, and they're always there when you need them. That counts for something.

How I'm Judging Them

I've got six things I'm looking for:

Taste – Does it taste good? Simple as that. When the package says apple, do I taste apple?

Filling – Is there enough? Does it taste like what it's supposed to be? Is the texture right?

Crust – I'm not expecting buttery, flaky perfection here. I want something that holds together, tastes decent, and doesn't fall apart in my hands.

Sugar Content – These are sweet treats, but there's a line between "pleasantly sweet" and "candy disguised as pie."  I give extra points if I walk away with an instant sugar rush.

Packaging – Does it keep the pie fresh? Is it easy to open? Does it protect what's inside?

Nostalgia – This might sound silly, but these pies carry memories. Childhood lunches, road trip snacks, late-night study sessions. That emotional connection matters. If the pie makes me cry, extra points.

Why This Matters

I know what you're thinking. Why spend time on convenience store pies when there are so many amazing bakeries out there? Because sometimes you're stuck at a gas station at midnight and you want something that reminds you of dessert.

These pies might not win any fancy food awards, but they've won something else: they've become part of people's lives. You just need to walk into almost any store in North America.

My guess? Some of them are going to surprise me. Some of them are going to be better than I expected. Some will suck.

No fancy equipment, no complicated scoring system. Just me, a bunch of snack pies, and the simple question: which one is the best?

Stay tuned.